Archive | May, 2012

This video is just brilliant.

Hollywood’s ridiculous land-on-one-knee-for-maximum-coolness has been a pet peeve of mine for a long time. When I went to watch The Avengers the other day, Thor’s three-point landing irritated me so much.

I AM THOR! MY PATELLA IS MADE OF ASGARDIAN IRON!

Iron Man can get away with it because… Well, because he’s in a metal suit. His knees are gonna be fine.

I AM IRON MAN! MY PATELLA IS COVERED BY A GOLD TITANIUM ALLOY!

The thing that really gets me is that Levi Meeuwenberg was Captain America’s parkour stunt double – you’d think that maybe they would have consulted someone who actually does landings like that. But nope, they just went for the maximum cool factor.

Although in all seriousness, Levi probably wasn’t involved at all in that scene. Or this scene.

I AM BLACK WIDOW! MY PATELLA IS COVERED BY...well, skin-tight leather.

One last clip that annoys me more than usual:

lol I'm just a computer program, don't need no stinking patella

Anis Cheurfa played Rinzler. Anis Cheurfa is a tricker. Specifically, he’s a really really good tricker. He knows how to land. Did the director, who specifically sought him out to play Rinzler, consult him on the practicality of this landing? No.

If you will allow me to briefly go on about what happened the one time I used a three point landing…

I was playing laser tag. It was dark in the room. I was getting shot from three different directions. So I ran towards the nearest railing and speed vaulted it, thinking to land a foot or two lower.

It was about 4.5 feet lower.

The miscalculation of the height, plus the weight of my gun and backpack forced me to one knee and – gasp – I did a three point landing.

And you know what: that really hurt. I hobbled to the nearest cover and sat there massaging my knee before getting back up and hobbling back to the game.

Let’s wrap up with a good landing, courtesy of Alexander “BAIT” Bayturin.

And that’s how it’s done.

–Alan